Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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