She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
