I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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