My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
