Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
