broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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