She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
