Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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