I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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