pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
kristin has been a bad kristin
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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