I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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