Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize