Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
