nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
