remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
