you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
