Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's Friday. Sex?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
