fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
