He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
