I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
