His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
