I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
