If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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