She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
