just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize