a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize