Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
