Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
