On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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