you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize