32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
