fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
