Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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