The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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