CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
