dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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