sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
