I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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