so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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