I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
