btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
