apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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