if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize