i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
