You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
