They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Green mimosas i think yes
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
