So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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