there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
