You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
