i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
