Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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