I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
