we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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