this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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