Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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