You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
