cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize