he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Farmville is her only friend.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
