Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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