saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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