i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize