winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
