My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Say something about gay babies.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
