You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
