so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
there is puke in my bra ... again
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
