Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
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