Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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