whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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