So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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