i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
