The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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