You're completely useless in the revolution.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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