Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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