The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
