so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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